I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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