Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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