I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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