I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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