So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize