The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
