16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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