Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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