R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
