Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
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