this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Randomize
