Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
