There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
