i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
