Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
