Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
