can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
