When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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