I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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