I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
