Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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