Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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