You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
