Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
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