This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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