I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
