Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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