I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
