I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
this will be a night to untag.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
