Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize