At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
