I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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