I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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