Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dignity is for republicans.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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