having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
