like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
