i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
