Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize