If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
