omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
