I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
How external is "for external use only"?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
