did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
