I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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