tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
