Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
