you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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