i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
