Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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