your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
