my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
