never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
