Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Damn victory sex feels great
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
