you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
