don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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