woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
