No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
