Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
