How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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