she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
