I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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