she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
