I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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