How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
