I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
from now on my penis is your penis
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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