This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
