I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize