Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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