That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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