you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
