he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
