i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
