my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
