please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
