all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
