remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Randomize
