A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
