Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
