I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
