So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
