Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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