just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Randomize
