Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
