I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize