we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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