This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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