Please, let me fuck your mom
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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