I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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